“I need you to draw me two pictures. One of a skeleton and a robot holding hands on the beach, and one of a bellhop and an alien on a date at a playground.“

Consider it done.

A skeleton and a robot, holding hands on a beach.

An alien and a bellhop on a date at a playground.

My other younger sister happens to have a birthday this weekend, and since I already had all of my drawing materials out (read as: a black Sharpie and a 24-pack of crayons), I decided to make her a birthday card.

I’m submitting this to Hallmark tomorrow.

I am the best brother ever.

Although not from Philly myself, having grown up just a hop away in northern Delaware, I still know a thing or two about soft pretzels, water ice, and cheesesteaks.

So, needless to say, I spent five and a half hours last Saturday hoofing it all over Manhattan consuming heart-stopping quantities of greasy meat, cheese, and bread (and, of course, ranking them). It was epic.

And the results are in! I was glad to see that my top pick took home the gold, and even more glad because it’s approximately a two minute walk from my apartment. Oh, and they have $3 Yuengling on tap. What’s not to love?

The rest of the rankings differed slightly from my other picks, but there was still a general consensus for which spots pulled it off and which sold nothing but trash seasoned with tears and regret.

Be sure to check out the Flickr pool, and please excuse me while I go eat a giant salad.

A panic attack is an episode of severe anxiety and dread. The symptoms include palpitations, shortness of breath, and chest pain. There may be dizziness, sweating, numbness or tingling, and shaking. This is an extremely frightening experience, with the person being afraid that he or she is going to die.

From Wikipedia:

Experiencing a panic attack is said to be one of the most intensely frightening, upsetting and uncomfortable experiences of a person’s life. Sufferers of panic attacks report a fear or sense of dying, “going crazy”, or experiencing a heart attack or “flashing vision”, feeling faint or nauseous, or losing control of themselves.

In emergencies, tenants may make necessary repairs and deduct reasonable repair costs from the rent. For example, when a landlord has been notified that a door lock is broken and willfully neglects to repair it, the tenant may hire a locksmith and deduct the cost from the rent. Tenants should keep receipts for such repairs.

—From the New York Tenant’s Rights Guide.

Call super. No answer. Call building manager. No answer. Call landlord. No answer. Call landlord’s emergency number. No answer. Leave voicemail. Call locksmith. Finally, an answer.

Locksmith comes. $55 just to show up.

Locksmith drills out my lock. $285.

Locksmith replaces my lock. $400.

Locksmith does… something else? Something locksmithy? $95.

Ah, plus tax. $69.

$904 later, I still don’t have any groceries. Hmph.

Did you know the average sell-through rate for a magazine is about 30%? The sell-through rate is the rate which a given issue of a magazine will sell from a store. That means 70% of all printed magazines are just stopping by the newsstand on their way to the garbage dump or recycling center. All that time, work, and energy, just to make trash.

At 23rd St. and 6th Ave.

That is all.

That is all.