ם Employee of the Month

Last night, I went to a (free) advanced screening of Employee of the Month, the latest piece-of-shit blockbuster soon to hit theaters starring Dane Cook (has always sucked, but sucked in this too), Jessica Simpson (sucked), and Dax Shepard (sucked). All in all, good for a few cheap laughs, but definitely not worth the ticket price, and my ticket was free.    

But I write this post with a purpose. In the movie, Jessica Simpson’s Jungian archetype would be that of “the whore.” She’s the romantic interest all the guys are after because she’ll sleep with anything. Her debut is a slow motion walk, with the camera deliberately tightly framed on her breasts bouncing and spilling out of her shirt, and notably, her visibly erect nipples that are in almost every shot that she’s in. I’m not talking about a subtle flash here, they are obviously accentuated and prominently displayed througout the entire movie.

“Okay,” you say. “Big deal, sex sells.”

True. But all this monetary talk, of course, naturally brings us to the movie’s producer. That’s right, the infamous Joe Simpson. Her father.

This is the same man that said of daughter Jessica: “She just is sexy. If you put her in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, she’s sexy in both. She’s got double Ds! You can’t cover those suckers up! (MSNBC)”

The same man who approved the photoshoot of his daughter on a bed in just her underwear with a man undressing, only to have it nixed in the eleventh hour by her mother who said it was too “slutty” (same MSNBC article).

The same man who, to capitalize on his daughters, became a paparazzo and as their manager only approves his own images for distribution. So when you saw those pictures of Jessica leaving a nightclub in a see-through top last month (not posted here to retain some semblance of decency), they were probably taken (and sold) by her dad.

Hell, it’s this guy.

So here’s to Joe Simpson, my nominee for Creepiest Dad of the Year.

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