• Archive for July, 2006
In a freak tooth-brushing accident, my hand slipped and I forcibly and painfully tore my frenulum labii superioris.
(To translate, I ripped open that little piece of flesh that connects your upper lip to your upper gum in the center of your mouth, right below the nose. With the head of a toothbrush.)
Just imagine how painful that sounds. Seem like it would be pretty painful? Well, I can now undeniably guarantee you that it is in fact a horrible, never healing pain.
Ouch.
Ingredients:
- Linoleum floor, preferably in a large kitchen
- 2 or 3 cans of Pam® Nonstick Cooking Spray
- Some good dancing tunes and a boombox
- A gaggle of people ready for dancing
Procedure:
- Clear out the kitchen of people and obstacles (trash cans, other kitchen-y things, etc.)
- Spray Pam® all over the floor, evenly yet liberally.
- Set up boombox.
- Start playing totally sweet dance party music, and turn up the volume (preferably to eleven).
- Call everyone to the kitchen.
- Dance til the wee hours, slip-sliding around.
Helpful hints:
- Don’t use your own kitchen. Cleaning that up has to suck.
Flora and Rose Zimbelman, two sisters who were apparently batshit crazy, have been exchanging an uncooked hotdog back and forth for 54 years. The hot dog looks as appetizing as you’d expect.
“I found it under my pillow once, […]” said Flora.
Gross. Time to throw away that pillow.
And to digress, You, Me, and (Jermaine) Dupri.
In the ever escalating race of “justifying the internet’s existence,” Wikipedia strikes again with a list of problems solved by MacGyver.
Despite MacGyver’s best efforts, an eagle he is trying to save doesn’t make it, and its young are at stake. After hang gliding to the nest on top of a butte in Monument Valley, Utah, MacGyver brings the eggs back to the house where this episode takes place. To give the young a chance, he builds an incubator with padding from a chair and vegetable oil. As MacGyver puts it, “the oil combines with the fibers in the padding to create a low level spontaneous combustion,” generating heat.
Thanks, Wiki.
ם I’m Back!
Posted on July 11, 2006 at 1:07 am
Wow, sorry about the unannounced absence. I went on a roadtrip and alas, it seems stealable Wi-Fi isn’t as popular in the south.
Just a quick rundown: Deb and I went for a roadtrip. We drove to Charleston, SC and spent a day there. We drove down to Cape Canaveral and watched the space shuttle launch. We drove to Fort Pierce, FL and spent 4 days there. We lounged on the beach, we got sunburnt, and I ate dolphin. We drove to Savannah, GA and spent a day there.
I also hung out with a manatee, the ocean’s gentle giant.
Homeboys for life.
Now I’m home. Miss me?
